She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
