omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
