I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
