Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
