I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Is it because I queefed?
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
