yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
