Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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