My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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