He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
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