I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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