I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Randomize
