i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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