I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
