i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
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