how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
