he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
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