Non-Jews are for practice
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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