I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
