Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Fuck appropriateness.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
