next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
