I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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