i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
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