we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
