Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
