I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Watching her eat just hurts me
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
