my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
