Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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