I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
