I'm lost and stupid without you.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
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