New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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