It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
