all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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