Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
