She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
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