Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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