im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
