So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
