I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
