Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
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