Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
