I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Randomize
