It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
