peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
