Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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