kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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