I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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