I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
