What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
