so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
