So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
