Can i not drive my cunt home
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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