i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize