It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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