I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize