I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
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