just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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