True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize