On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
