I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
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