it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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