I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
So vagazzling was a success
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
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