I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
