There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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