you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
