i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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