How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
