Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
