you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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